I am very excited about this post for Sunday Funday! When I started this blog, I was writing in real time, sharing all of my raw experiences in that moment. I wanted to take this experience and share it in the hopes that it would help others in some way. I realize that my experience cannot speak to all of the aspects of motherhood. So, I wanted to make sure I reached other mommas that were in a different space. That’s one of the reasons that I am beyond excited to have my friend, Kristyn, as a guest blogger today! This momma of two is so inspiring and has been a huge help to me during my motherhood journey. Every step of the way, she has supported me through the ups and downs and the highs and lows. She welcomed her second babe in January of this year, and I felt, who better to share their story and help other mommas who might want to hear more about life with a babe and a toddler. I know as I contemplate the next steps of motherhood, hearing her story helps me better understand what that world might look like and how to navigate it. Everyone’s story is different, but this is for all of those mommas who are considering being a mom, become a mom of two (or more) and those who are already there and want to hear about another momma’s experience.
Thank you Kristyn for writing this post! For all you mommas who want even more inspiration, you can head to her Canadian Etsy shop, Little Ms Planner shop, for all of your custom cake topper needs. (Yes, she started this adorable little business on Maternity leave and it is perfect!)
https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/LittleMSPlannerShop
Enjoy mommas! xo
Life as a Mom of Two
Pregnancy
Finding out I was pregnant with baby number two was an exciting, but emotional time. While I was so excited and grateful because we always wanted a second and never knew if it would happen; I was also really scared about how my toddler would handle the change. Juggling the nausea and exhaustion with a toddler around was extremely challenging. The only downtime I had, was once he went to bed, which made it quite difficult to catch up on rest. Much different than being pregnant with baby #1 that is for sure. Once I entered the second trimester and got some energy back, things were somewhat easier.
As the days grew closer to my due date, I became more anxious and emotional when I thought about how my son’s world would soon be rocked. He was/is a major momma’s boy, so I knew it would be difficult for him to share my attention. We did everything we could do prepare him, as people had told us to. We talked about mommy going to the hospital, read books, and talked to baby in the tummy. Surprisingly, he actually loved saying hi to baby sister. Would meeting his sister be as exciting?
Toddler Meets New Babe
I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the moment your toddler meets your newborn. Man was it a toughie. When he walked into the hospital room to meet his sister for the first time; all of a sudden he looked like a big boy, not my baby anymore. I remember my stomach doing a flip when he walked in. Where did my baby boy go? He also looked confused and nervous, which was difficult to take in. He was unsure, and didn’t want to get too close to the baby right away. I couldn’t reach him to squeeze him and comfort him, so he stayed back and looked around the room, I think processing what was happening. In hindsight, I would have had my husband hand him to me..
Once he warmed up and hopped into my lap, I cried…. a lot. I felt guilty for making him nervous or unsure, but I was so happy for everything right in front of me in that moment- a sweet boy I never thought I’d have, a beautiful little girl and the best husband and daddy a girl could ask for. So I guess they were happy tears? After my toddler became more comfortable within few minutes, he was ready to hold “his baby” and he did a great job. It didn’t last long, but he was definitely curious and seemed to love her right away. He also was able to give his sister the gift he picked out for her, and she was able to give him the gift we picked out from her (something suggested to me by many moms of two or three). This made him feel special. Shortly after, some family members arrived, which was a great distraction for him.
When it was time for him to leave, he didn’t want to leave me right away, which I expected, but of course, made me cry. I wanted to be able to go home with him and to comfort him, but I couldn’t and that was hard for me.. But my husband got him excited and walked him out to the car with his auntie and grandpa, so he seemed to forget that I wasn’t there. Many people had suggested that I be the one to take him out of the room prior to the delivery. However, in that moment I wasn’t sure I would emotionally be able to handle the more difficult separation if I walked him and not his dad. Having my husband take him out gave me some time to rest and to bond with my new baby girl.
My New Normal
Getting home from the hospital to my new family dynamic was emotional and scary, but also exciting. I am going to be honest… a lot of crying happened in the first few weeks. By all of us. I constantly felt like I was being pulled in two directions and that I was failing. When my son wanted me, my daughter was crying and when my daughter needed me, my son was crying for me or acting out to get my attention. I was trying to be the best mom I could, but I was exhausted and struggling to be myself and also felt so guilty at the same time.
Thankfully my husband took almost two weeks off, which was helpful for my son, especially. He got lots of attention and one on one time with his dad, which gave me solo time with the new baby, and time to rest, shower, and recover. When my husband went back to work, it was a major adjustment for me. I needed to figure out how to balance two on my own. I needed to know that I could do it. The doctors recommended not lifting my toddler, so this was challenging, but we quickly learned to use stools when we could and he got good at climbing up with my help. I also learned quickly that the carrier would be my new best friend in order to have hands free and keep both kids happy.
I really tried to take advantage of small moments with my son, so he didn’t feel left out. Some days we baked together while the baby napped, and other days we went for short walks once my husband got home from work and could watch the baby. As I recovered, we were able to go to play gyms or the zoo and do things my son enjoyed.
Support
How I survived, honestly, was with the support of great friends and close family. My friends talked me through my breakdowns and feelings of failure and my parents gave me time to rest, helped with laundry and entertained my toddler. Certain friends would literally talk me through my entire day if it was a bad one. They encouraged me, made me feel like I could do it and constantly reminded me that I was a rockstar or “their hero.” Another huge help was when friends and family brought dinners and food to keep us going; especially in the first few weeks.
As time went on, things fell into place and got easier. I became better at juggling two, and it became my new normal. I started to get good at seeing how far I could push myself, whether it was a walk to the park, or even a trip to the store. Eventually things became easier.
And today, 5 months postpartum; some days are still more challenging than others, and I have lots of days where I feel guilty that my son doesn’t get as much one on one time, but other days feel perfect. My son loves his baby sister and is a huge helper. He has his moments where he needs more attention and hugs, but has settled well into his big brother role and I am so proud of him. I never knew love like this was possible and I am so grateful for the challenging, yet rewarding spin my life has taken as a mom of two beautiful babies.
